good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
