Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
