my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
