I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
