I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
