You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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