she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
