My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
