You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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