Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
