I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
