Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
