You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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