I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
