I faked an abortion last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
