yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
