Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
