why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
