He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
