I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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