Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
