Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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