i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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