I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
