you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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