Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
