We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
