We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
