***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
