Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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