1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
