Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
