If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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