I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I would ride that face into the sunset
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
