he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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