Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
