my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
