Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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