So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
