i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
