i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
smell my finger.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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