Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
