Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
