If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
