I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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