then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
