What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
