I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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