just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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