i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
