Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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